On Getting Old

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I look at old and mostly feeble people in nursing homes.  I see old people at work, businesses, and church.  I associate with people older than me and I am fine with that.  Wherein lies my issue??  It is I am getting older, my kids think so too and my grandkids are amazed at how “old” I am.  Some people don’t believe I am as old as I am because I still have my original hair.  Some people don’t believe I am old as I don’t act “old.”  Wherein lies my trouble?? 

I am old—let’s face it.  When my grandma was my age—she was old!  When my mother in law got to be my age, she was old!  What the hell am I doing being old??  How am I supposed to act?  What am I supposed to be like? 

My body and mind wants to do things such as playing catch, hitting baseballs, climbing up ladders, hiking, running, jumping, skipping, etc., etc., etc.  My body is getting rusty—no longer doing or being as good at what I love.  My body hurts after doing only a little.  My body hurts just thinking about doing some things and my joints are also telling me I am old.  Let’s face it I am just OLD!!  I am a “senior” citizen. 

I think about the times I have helped “older” people because I didn’t think they could do for themselves any more or it could be done a lot faster if I helped them.  I helped “older” people because I thought I owed it to them for all they did for me or others.  I did for older people because I just wanted to.   Later in life, I watched “older” people become “weaker” and “older” because I did for them what they could do for themselves if I just gave them time.  I don’t want young uns doing that for me. 

I don’t want anyone helping me because I am OLD or they think I can’t do it myself anymore.  I don’t want anyone bringing me cookies and soup because I am OLD or a single old WOMAN with no “man” to help.  I am a stubborn “OLD” broad who wants to do for herself and then be able to groan, moan and complain because I “knew” I should have asked for help in the first place.  I am getting older but don’t want to admit it—it would mean that I really am OLD.